Coloringbook affectionados are being given the rare treat of having in their collection the first, and possibly only, issue of the original transcripts and scriptures made by the ancient website pioneer scribe and artist Nickus Dallettus I. These highly inspirational descriptions of visions and semi-coherent messages (some, if not all, laced with intricate metaphysical coding and alchemical nuances) are only to be found here and on a certain hardened discus cashed deep in the bowels of an Albanian saltmine. For best viewing, it behooves one to be drinking lukewarm water while sitting on a hard, stiff-backed, wooden chair, preferably facing the southeast, this can be helpful in achieving a more profound absorption the material.
This page tells all about the rabbit carousel animal whose picture is on page 3 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about how Michael Dentzel had to climb the Alps naked chasing this rabbit, which was later stuffed and coated with putty to look like real wood. Not.
This page tells all about the horse carousel animal whose picture is on page 4 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about all the people who were converted to Christianity by Saint Quintana of Lima, who rode this horse at the head of a great army against the infidel in the early 18th Century.
This page tells all about the tiger carousel animal whose picture is on page 5 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about the Early Dentzel tribe of India, and how they lived in huts made of banana leaves and made annual hunting trips to catch tigers by the toes and make them into Ghee, a type of clarified butter.
This page tells all about the lion carousel animal whose picture is on page 6 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about all the people who got stuck to this lion when the wax factory in Dublin Ireland, where both the lion and the first Dentzel super-carousel were on display, was bombed by the IRA, making whole Counties sticky.
This page tells all about the chariot carousel animal whose picture is on page 7 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about the great vision of Pinto Dicabrio Dentzel in 1450 where a great chariot descended from Heaven and took him to live with the petite blonde fairy princesses of Ainrofilac, where he dined on grape skins and carrot peelings.
This page tells all about the cat carousel animal whose picture is on page 8 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about the cat glorified in this carving, an illegitimate nephew to puss-in-boots, and responsible for many of the aphorisms we know today, such as "a cat in time saves nine," "The cat only knocks once," and "don't knock it until you've let the cat out of the bag.".
This page tells all about the dog carousel animal whose picture is on page 9 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about all the people who were once dogs before they rode on the magical carousel of Saint Angina Nervosa of Sequim. The legend goes on to tell of all the marvelous things accomplished by these people, who referred to themselves by a strange symbol usually translated as "the people formerly known as dogs.".
This page tells all about the goat carousel animal whose picture is on page 10 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about beans, beans, the magical fruit, which is an opera written by a the subject of this statuette. To clarify, the composer in question, a certain Mr. Boutrieffte of Provence, was not a goat, but the carver was drunk and his chisel slipped. Rather than throw away an expensive piece of Argentine deathwood, he recarved the piece into its present form, giving rise to the all-too-common expression "a slip of the chisel does not give a composer the right to wear a goatee."
This page tells all about the boar carousel animal whose picture is on page 11 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about all the people who mistook the name of the "King-Beast," thinking that when the great prophet Eliazar of BART spoke the words "you are a barking beast" to his dog, he was saying "You are a bore, King-Beast." The regal bearing and demeanor of this truly elegant boy-pig do something to rectify this horrible mistake.
This page tells all about the horse carousel animal whose picture is on page 12 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about how Michael Dentzel had to climb the Eiffel tower astride this marvelous horse in order to raise funds for the carousel exhibit at the 1912 Paris Exposition.
13 goes here.
This page tells all about the bear carousel animal whose picture is on page 14 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about the fearsome grizzly bear that his Great Grandcousin Methuselah Dentzel shot once in Kodiak, Alaska at the age of 97 when it tried to grab his eggo frozen waffle. Methuselah was fond of eating his eggos loaded high with Velveeta cheese, Spam, and artichoke hearts, and the bear, disgusted, was trying to get the revolting snack away from Methuselah before it gave him a stroke. The female partner of the Grizzly came the next day and forced Methuselah to marry her. She went on to bear many Dentzel children.
This page tells all about the rooster carousel animal whose picture is on page 15 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about the great fighting, er... rooster of Kujo, Alabama, which had spurs so long that the crowd at his fights frequently sustained more damage than its opponent. Few people know that it was at these fights that Howard Cosell got his start as an exotic dancer.
This page tells all about the carousel whose picture is on page 16 and 17 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about the second great vision of Eliazar Dentzel, which involved a carousel that made men's arms grow until they drug on the ground like apes. Nobody knows what would happen if one could ride this carousel for more than an hour, as after that time, the arms grow so heavy that the bearer of said arms cannot hold them up, and they begin to drag in the asphalt.
This page tells all about the pony carousel animal whose picture is on page 18 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about the invention of the pony keg by several very lazy beer-swilling Dentzels who lived near Winnipeg. Manitoba in early prehistoric times. These Dentzels would feed their pony on Barley and Hops until it was so full that it swelled to the size of a Kaarman Ghia, wherein the grains would ferment. Later on, they figured it would be more sanitary if they just used the Kaarman Ghia, which became the first beer keg.
This page tells all about the horse carousel animal whose picture is on page 19 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story explaining why this boring old horse is special, even though it is only one of billions and billions of boring old horses used by the charioteer Helios to pull the sun across the sky at night when everyone is asleep and assuming that the sun is down.
This page tells all about the hippocampus carousel animal whose picture is on page 20 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a long rant about why exactly there was a Hippo on Campus, and what exactly the Dean of Students said when he found that it had done its business in his brand new Jaguar convertible.
This page tells all about the zebra carousel animal whose picture is on page 21 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about the crackpot kids who used to paint stripes on horses to make them go insane. Bill will go on to state that these horses eventually did lose their minds, at which point they evolved into Dalmatians. Meanwhile, other perfectly sane but insanely jealous horses used telegenetic power to mimic the crazy stripes of their whacked out brothers.
This page tells all about the kangaroo carousel animal whose picture is on page 22 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about the rare Australian albino Dentzels, and their trained kangaroos, which were used in Ancient Egypt to tear down the pyramids of the alien race which formerly inhabited Earth, in order to see how they worked. The kangaroos then steadfastly refused to put the pyramids back together until their pay was doubled. When it was pointed out to them that they were not being paid at all, they were quite satisfied, and quickly reassembled the pyramids in about 3 hours. Naturally, the pyramids have not worked correctly since, as the reassembly compromised the boot sector of the hard drive.
This page tells all about the reindeer carousel animal whose picture is on page 23 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about all the people who died while making this reindeer, whose construction took five generations of Dentzels to their graves.
This page tells all about the ostrich carousel animal whose picture is on page 24 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about the Dentzel motto "in sando heado est," which means "I think, therefore I think I think, therefore I think I think I think I think a think a think a hink a hunk a burnin love." .
This page tells all about the giraffe carousel animal whose picture is on page 25 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about how all Dentzels have really long necks, and that the giraffe is an oblique reference to this quirk of the Dentzel anatomy, which has its roots in the wild west, when an inordinate number of Dentzels survived hanging to laugh about it with their pygmy wives in the brush of Papua, New Guinea.
This page tells all about the lion_buffalo carousel animal whose picture is on page 26 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about how it was not an owl and a pussycat who went to sea in a beautiful pea green boat, but actually a lion and a buffalo. Just imagine, an owl and a pussycat - how ridiculous!.
This page tells all about the two chariot figures whose pictures are on page 27 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will unexpectedly burst into song and make the Boomslangs purl in their dens with their Bonobo girlfriends.
This page tells all about the miscellaneous carousel animals whose pictures are on page 28 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about all the stupid animals who won on game shows during the 1970s when all Dentzels became basketball stars because they found that they could hypnotize the Harlem Globetrotters' cheerleaders.
This page tells all about the misc. carousel animals whose pictures is on page 29 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about how the word "is" can be used to represent anything, including life, liberty, and a really good sno-cone.
This page tells all about the band organ whose picture is on page 32 of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about how the name of this instrument is a horrid mistake - how the human race banned the organ in 1567 BC to attempt to prevent the song "A Whiter Shade of Pale" from being written. Dentzels of that era believed that the song's soulful bridge would bring the end of civilization as we know it.
This page tells all about the buffalo carousel animal whose picture is not in the coloring book. Here is where Bill will write a whole fabulous story about the evil web page designer who slipped this drawing into the project to further his own evil plan to take over the world. Anyone who downloads this buffalo will be unwittingly contributing to his plan, which is to create a nation full of people who have this image of a buffalo on their computers.
This page tells all about the jester carousel animal whose picture is included on the website as an extra bonus part of the coloring book. Here is where Bill will soak his tired hands to ease his carpal tunnel syndrome brought on by all this typing, and will let the magical jester tell his own story about being raised as a leprechaun in Edinburgh, Scotland, finding out at 17 that he was adopted, and realizing with relief that he no longer had to pretend to like Irish music.